


More cockroach than penguin

by nishiki



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gobblepot Positivity Week 2018, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, Jeremiah blows up City Hall, Jim confronts his feelings, M/M, Near Death Experiences, S04 Ep21, Short Story, gobblepot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 10:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14914011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishiki/pseuds/nishiki
Summary: When Jim escaped the trap Jeremiah has set up for him in his bunker, he is head-set on finally confronting his feelings for Oswald and to actually tell the gangster. It is then that the bomb inside City Hall explodes and that he learns that Oswald was inside the building.





	More cockroach than penguin

**Author's Note:**

> This should have been much longer and much more smutty but in the end, I decided to keep it short and simple like this.

It was true that Jim had imagined it quite differently from how it actually played out, in the end. It wasn't as if he had spent all his waking hours fantasizing about it. However, he had most certainly thought about it, once or twice before. He had most certainly wondered how Oswald's skin would feel underneath the tips of his fingers when he would drag his calloused hands down that thin body of the former kingpin of the Gotham underworld. He had most definitely tried to imagine what Oswald would sound like when Jim would thrust into him without mercy to render him speechless for once in his life. He had dreamed of how Oswald would squirm against him under the spray of his shower when the water would run cold way too quickly for them to finish and how he would need to silence him with ravishing kisses. He had seen himself tracing the contours of Oswald's lean body, finally freed from his expensive suits, with his fingers and rubbing the soap into his skin countless times in his dreams before.

He had not expected this. 

He had not expected how Oswald would slump against him like a ragdoll in his arms, his forehead resting against Jim's shoulder or how his knees would buckle under his own weight as Oswald was barely able to keep himself upright from exhaustion. He had not expected the grime and the dirt and the blood that was collecting on the bottom of his shower. To know how it had come to this, however, they needed to go back a few hours first.

※※※※※※※

This time, he had been certain that Death himself was waiting for him on the other side of the door as he had lunged at it in determination to escape the blast of the bomb. Jim had barely escaped the bomb that Jeremiah Valeska had set up for him but that didn't stop him from pursuing the man and his bombs. 

Lee Thompkins would claim that he was suicidal and maybe she was right in the assumption too. After all, she knew him quite well. Then again, what did he have to lose anyway? Lee was apparently shagging with Ed, although his mind was still unwilling to believe that. Not that it would matter now anyway. It really didn't. He and Lee … They were history. There would never be a  _ they  _ again. She had decided what path she wanted to follow now in the narrows beside Ed and Edward was naive enough to believe Lee when she would show him affection, not able or willing to see her greater plan behind it all. 

Still, he couldn't deny that Oswald was not the only one who was hurt by this latest development. He had seen the way Oswald had looked at Nygma just a little while ago, had heard the mocking tone in which Lee had talked to the former mayor of Gotham just the other day. It was clear that, after Edward had broken Oswald out of Arkham Asylum a few weeks ago, Oswald had hoped the old flame had rekindled and this time not just on his part. Honestly, even Jim had thought that he and Nygma would end up together this time. 

And yet, he could not deny the pang of anger and jealousy he had felt at these thoughts. The feeling had almost thrown him completely out of line as it had been much stronger than what he had felt as he had discovered Lee’s affair with Ed. And truly, this thought alone, the jealousy and anger that he had felt were what had kept him going as the bomb nearly ripped him to shreds. It was perhaps the fear that he would die without having been able to act on his emotions.

He and Oswald had a strange kind of relationship, a strange kind of bond even. By now, years after he had first met Oswald, Jim had stopped denying that there was indeed a bond there between them. He wouldn't say that he would trust Oswald and yet, despite everything, Oswald had proven himself to be a loyal friend to Jim over and over again. Sure, his help might not have always be born out of selfless love for Jim, but he had always been able to count on Oswald when things turned ugly. 

Things were very ugly at the moment.

He had come back to the precinct just in time to hand Lucius Fox the blueprints and witness the man leading Harvey through the motions of disarming those bombs that were strewn all over Gotham. Harvey’s act of heroism had left his best friend with at least five more grey hairs and the precinct in a frenzy at this success. The bombs were disarmed and that only thanks to Harvey Bullock who had been willing to risk everything. 

It was then that the bomb inside city hall went off ripping the building to shreds and exploding windows of almost every house in a three-mile radius. Minutes later, as the ash and dust started to settle over the block of houses around the city hall, Jim was still in shock, as were all the other cops around him who were looking at him for guidance. He was their captain, after all, and he had survived Jeremiah’s bomb by some odd miracle. The bomb in city hall had not been on the blueprints and it had not been linked to all the other bombs. This was something different, maybe something personal even. This was a message to Gotham that their leaders were dead and chaos the new ruling force behind everything. 

Jerome Valeska’s death had left them with a far greater threat than he could have ever posed and Jeremiah Valeska was eager to proof just that to the good people of Gotham.

»Witnesses reported that they saw a group of people walk into city hall minutes before the bomb went off.« Fox reported in a monotone voice as if fleeing into cold calculation and stoicism was the only way to deal with that situation at hand. As always, it was Lucius Fox who tried to make sense out of the chaos around them. »One witness said they saw the former mayor, Mr. Oswald Cobblepot, amongst them.«

While this seemed to be a reason to celebrate for his colleagues all around him, Jim could only feel his chest constrict at the thought of Oswald lying amongst the rubble, dying or already dead. He had sworn to himself, as he had been running through Jeremiah’s maze, that he would finally act and stop pretending as if he would only feel resentment towards Oswald, would he survive this detonation. He had and now it might already be too late. 

And yet, he swallowed the feeling and led his troops to the site of the explosion. He bit down on his pain and frustration as he assigned jobs to the unit that came with him and waited for the firefighters and paramedics. And even as he and a few others went into what remained of the building to scout for survivors of the blow, together with the search and rescue units that had arrived at the scene by now, he did not allow himself to feel anything. This was his job, this was work and there could be no feelings involved in this. He needed to function and that was it. Today, he needed to be a leader - the captain that these good men and women deserved. 

And then, when they would have recovered Oswald’s body … Then he could grief. He could grief the love he had lost on this day, the life he could have led at Oswald’s side had he not been that much of a coward who had been too busy making up arguments against being with Oswald instead of allowing his feelings for him to flourish into something more. Not that Oswald would have returned his feelings anyway, as he assumed. Not anymore at the very least. He had fallen in love with Ed Nygma and no matter how often Ed had betrayed Oswald, the mobster could still not give him up the same way Jim had never been able to give up the criminal who had stolen his heart all these years ago. He had had his chance and he had squandered it. 

Sometimes, in the lonely hours of the nights at the precinct, he would find himself wondering what life would be like had he and Oswald found a way to be together years ago. What would he do on this very day had he been able to get over himself and his oh so righteous morality in the beginning and allowed his feelings towards Oswald to blossom? Would he still be here looking for his body? Would Oswald have swayed him to turn to the dark side inside of him like Lee did after the Tetch-virus? Or would he have been able to sway Oswald and reform the criminal into an upstanding citizen instead? Both of it seemed equally impossible. They were two sides of the same coin, the sun and the moon, day and night and that was only one aspect that had been drawing him towards Oswald from the start. One could not exist without the other and yet that was what Jim had to do from now on. 

He stayed at the scene for hours even after Harvey had left and urged him to go home or get stitched up at the hospital, after all, he too had barely escaped a bomb earlier this day. He stayed way into the night scouring the grounds and plowing his way through the rubble and dirt. By now a crowd had gathered all around the scene and the news coverage of the attack was permanent with Valerie Vale on the forefront. By now the entire city knew not only that city hall had been bombed but also that the former Mayor Cobblepot had been spotted walking into the building right before the bomb went off. 

The rescue units were tired as midnight rolled around and yet they were still plowing through it with their search and rescue dogs and their other equipment. By one AM they had found four bodies of Arkham escapees that had once belonged to Jerome Valeska’s league of horribles and then started to follow his brother instead. By two AM there was no hope left that they would by some miracle find the Penguin alive. 

By three AM one of the dogs started barking on the far side of the building where once the emergency exit had been located. Now there was just a bit of the old wall left and otherwise only a field of stones and dust after the first floor had collapsed on top of it. As Jim hurried over to where a small group of men had already gathered to clear away the rubble, he had to focus to not stumble and fall and break his neck. They found another body as it seemed from afar and yet, Jim refused to believe that the body they found was Oswald’s.

He knew that, if Oswald had not escaped the blow, he was dead and among those bodies that were buried here. It would have been a fitting end too, being killed in City Hall, the place he had called his home not too long ago. And if he had managed to escape, he would have already made a grand show about it. He knew that he was dead. Yet, he refused to acknowledge that fact. He refused to think that Oswald might be lying right underneath his feet, crushed to death in an instant or left to die between the rubble, slowly suffocating and alone. He couldn't bear the thought that Oswald might have died alone.

As he arrived at the spot, they had found yet another body of an Arkham escapee lying face down and crushed by the weight of the stones. The moment they lifted the dead man out of his grave, however, Jim spotted something else right next to where he had been lying. Between a small mountain of stones, he could see dark fabric poking out and then a hand that mad managed to squeeze through a gap between the stones. To Jim, it was almost as if the world had been muted all at once. He could only hear a sharp ringing in his ears and his own blood rushing through his veins.

He grabbed the hand that was trying to reach for something before he knew what he was doing. The minutes until the stones were cleared away were pure agony for Jim as he held on tightly to the slim hand that was gripping his for dear life. He could hardly hear anything but his own heart racing and thundering in his throat. Never in his life had he been more afraid of something than he was now of what those men would uncover under the rubble and dirt. He would recognize Oswald’s slim hands under thousands. They were slender and elegant, his fingers long and delicate and yet possesses the capability for great violence. He knew that this was Oswald’s hand and yet he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. 

The first thing he recognized was the tuft of deep black hair that was now covered and greyed by the dust and dirt. The normally pale skin was smudged with blood and dirt and the fine tailored expensive suit ripped and torn at the seams. None of it mattered. Not to Jim, at least as he finally let go of the hand that was clasping his to help to dig up the man with his own bare fingers. 

In retrospect, he could hardly remember anything that had happened after he had first realized that it was Oswald between the debris and dirt. Everything after that was just a blur and nothing seemed to make sense except for Oswald's pale blue eyes staring at him from underneath a messy mop of black hair. 

Later, Jim had no idea how he managed to get home, let alone how Oswald had ended up in his bathroom. They had not exchanged one single word through it all and as Oswald stood in his bathroom trembling, nothing seemed to matter of what had happened before. They didn't need words as Jim helped Oswald out of his coat and his vest until even his shirt fell to the ground. Oswald did not protest even once as Jim’s hands trailed down his sides until he reached his hips and his pants, not even as he helped him out of his slacks or his shorts.

It was clear that Oswald would not be able to hold himself up in the shower by himself and so, without much hesitation, Jim stripped bare himself too as he was just as dirty as the younger man. There was, through it all, not a second when they broke eye contact and yet Oswald seemed drowsy and weak and not able to fully grasp what was happening to him. 

Everything about this was beyond odd. However, as he stepped into the shower with Oswald, not even the fact that the city was in complete turmoil mattered to him anymore. The entire city could be going up in flames for all he cared right now. Not even the fact that he had never seen Oswald even remotely unclothed now mattered. A part of him was unsure of how much Oswald actually understood of this situation right now.

At least he had been clear enough earlier to know that he did not want to go to the hospital out of fear to be found and attacked by his enemies. And yet, Jim was certain that Oswald could not possibly be all there the way he stared at him through his long bangs from underneath his thick eyelashes as if Jim had hung the moon and the stars in the sky. 

He was alive. That was all that truly mattered right now. By some miracle, he was alive and nearly unscathed. He was alive and breathing and warm underneath Jim’s hands.

Jim tilted Oswald's head back with great care, one hand on the back of Oswald's head as he washed his face gently with the other, dragging his fingers through his hair and over his cheeks to free him from the grime and the blood that was clinging to his pale skin. By some miracle, he had not been crushed to death by the stones. By some miracle, he was still with him and able to move forward. The fact that he was alive and almost completely unharmed was even to the paramedics at the scene an enigma. 

Today they had both survived the unsurvivable. They were linked by some higher force as it seemed and Jim had no doubt about the fact that, had he died earlier, Oswald would have followed him in this explosion too. It was a weird thing to think and yet, he felt the reality of this deep in his heart. Tomorrow he would blame the stress of today for these twisted thoughts.

»You really are quite hard to kill.« He found himself mumbling more to himself than Oswald. »Not even a building collapsing on top of you can kill you.«

It was only then that he finally got a reaction from the other man even though it was only Oswald leaning his forehead against Jim’s shoulder. »Ed said once I was more cockroach than penguin.« His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. How long had he screamed his lungs out underneath the rubble? How long had he been there, alone and afraid that every bit of movement might sent a new wave of stones to come crashing down on him and crush him? How long of that time had he been lucid and awake?

»For once I have to agree with Nygma on one point.« Jim huffed as he focused just on the feeling of Oswald in his arms, his forehead against his shoulder, his breath against his skin and the heat of the water and Oswald’s naked body pressed flush against his without hesitation or question as if this was how things were supposed to be. 

It was not how he had things imagined to develop between them. He had not thought that there would be so much blood and grime but all of that did not matter right now. All he could think about was Oswald's fingers on his sides and Oswald's mouth on his as he leaned down to steal that kiss from him that he had desired for such a long time now. Oswald did not protest as he pressed his back into the tiles of the wall behind him, he did not flinch away from him as he trailed his lips down his neck. All he did was cling to him as if his life would depend on it. In fact, he seemed just as unwilling to let go of Jim as Jim was.

It wasn't much later that he had Oswald in his bed, resting next to him on his side with his head cushioned on Jim’s bare chest. »You scared me today.« Jim found himself whispering in the darkness as he tightened his arm around Oswald and trailed the tips of his fingers over his side. »I thought I had lost you.« 

There was a moment of silence that stretched out between them seemingly endlessly as Oswald's blue eyes seemed to stare into the distance without focus. »Jeremiah bragged how he killed you.« Oswald then whispered and his voice was laced with pain, though it was impossible to tell for Jim if it was a physical pain or the feeling of heartache that Jeremiah had conjured up. »When the explosion hit … for once I was ready to greet Death like an old friend. I evaded him for such a long time. I thought it would be time. It seemed so fitting to me, that I would follow you.« 

»So here we are … escaping from Death's door once more, huh?« Jim smirked even though he hardly had the strength for it. »He will be pissed when he finally get us someday.« 

»I hope he realized today that he will only get us together.« Oswald murmured. For once, Jim didn't quite know what to make of Oswald's words. It was no declaration of love but maybe they were long beyond that anyway. Would they really need those words after everything they had been through? It was right in this moment that Jim realized just how stupid he was and how inevitable it had been that they would end up here in his bed together like this. It was like Oswald said: Death would only get them both at once or not at all. They were linked. They shared a bond that was undeniable. A part of him felt frightened by that thought, however, on the same instant it felt incredibly reassuring to him to know this now.

He would not be alone when he would finally greet Death like the old friend he was. Oswald would be there too. But until then there were years that would come to pass and as long as the sun would shine on Gotham, the moon would never be far.


End file.
